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Subject Matters [Oct. 26th, 2010|04:38 am]
[Current Mood |coldcold]

Had the urge to write something epic, but then at the same time analyzed the thought of writing something that indeed was epic and figured I'd only be writing the first thing cause I felt compelled to write, more so than just writing what was on my mind.

Instead of just writing what comes naturally, I was forcing myself to write cause I felt I needed to. The time you feel like you "need" to do something, is the time when your not thinking for your true self.
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The Fragility of Life [Oct. 9th, 2010|05:36 am]
[Current Mood |discontentdiscontent]

Life, it's so fragile that we mistake it for steel. We as humans ignore the fragility of life through ignorance and fear. For example, we all believe we'll grow old, have kids, find a job, etc. although all of these thoughts are just fabricated lies. What I mean is we all live lives dedicated to the future; however we never seem to think of the significance in the present.

To use a metaphor, our lives are like a tightened piece of yarn. Eventually the pressure built from both ends being pulled will cause it to snap severing it. This is inevitable, and merely relies on time, just as our lives are mortal. Different pieces of yarn signify different lives, because the time it takes to snap is not a determined time, such as our lifespan, unpredictable. This theory merely satisfies the notion of lifespan, more so than life in general. Life is much more unpredictable for it would be like said yarn, only thousands of razors resting on each section, ready to snap it.

I guess I’ve gotten side tracked on a stupid metaphor in which I just made up. Probably terrible, and probably one you won’t see used very often, if at all. The point of everything is that we have to learn to live in the day, not in the future. I look around and see people saying they won’t eat carbs for months in hopes of losing 4lbs. I’m all for being healthy, but I don’t believe we should torture ourselves to do so. Enjoy a donut or a sandwich and don’t worry too much about the consequences. Spend some cash and don’t panic about saving every penny you earn.

We take for granted each day we have because we fabricated lies that we’ll grow old, and that we’re healthy, but health won’t help you in a car crash, it won’t help you if you fall a step and break your neck, and it won’t help you if you drown in a cup of water. The point of all this isn’t to scare you, but to bring about thought of the now. All if not most worry so much, about a grade here, or notes there, but in the end what truly matters is the joy and friendship that is around you. Live in happiness, not in sorrow for you never know when your time will come. Why waste so many days stressed and un-happy.

Death is always on our shoulders, like a parrot to a pirate. We lie to ourselves each day because we all fear that sudden stop at the end, the nothingness we know nothing about. Though death truly brings into perspective why we must live each day, because without that fear of death, would we truly ever be living at all…? I guess you can be the judge to that.
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Unconventional Thoughts of a Human-ish Mind [Oct. 8th, 2010|01:59 am]
[Current Location |Infinite Loop]
[Current Mood |blahblah]

There is a time where we all must attend school. It is the building blocks of our feeble intelligence as a human species. Without school, letters, numbers or even our language would be meaningless. Though it seems like most things in life, it must come to an end. An end where we reach the pinnacle of what can be taught, and we must then experience life and knowledge on our own. So what may you ask has brought about these unconventional ideals which are obviously observed and incorrect?

Well, these thoughts were brought on by the ideas of intelligence. Intelligence is a funny idea in itself. For how does an individual or populous measure intelligence, what if intelligence is just mere insanity. So the question it comes down to is, are you insane, intelligent, both or neither? What seem to strike a nerve with me are individuals assuming intelligence through high grades. Now I know what you're thinking, how could you dispute intelligence with high test scores? Well my answer to that is testing serves no purpose in intelligence of an individual. Now time travel a bit to the past (in which this travel may contradict to thoughts above). I was in the top 20 in my graduating class based on grades. A few problems with this was, I took a few difficult classes which lowered my grade (low A's) while other individuals in the top 10, took less challenging classes to "improve" their grades. So by grading standards they were more intelligent than me for taking sub-par courses.

That's all beside the point. Throughout High School I put forth a bit of effort to keep my grades, however I never "overly" tried. I never studied for tests, quizzes or exams really. I just went in and took them. Almost 90% of the time I did better than those who studied hours a day. I guess this slightly makes a point, though now let us Time Warp back to the present.

So what brought about all this thinking? A few days ago, a girl was "explaining" to me (more like bragging) about how intelligent she was. (Don't make me laugh) Anyway, she went into detail about how she had high test scores and she was a grade A student. So I told her "Congrats, that's a good story you can tell the other strippers." Mean I know, but life is cruel, deal with it. When someone tries to purposely flaunt their intelligence in your face for bragging purposes, they deserve to be taken down a notch.


So again what is the point to all this? Spill the beans and quit building drama. Well the point to everything here is essentially me "failing" college due to lack of effort. It's not from unwilling to learn though. It's that I'm sick and tired of being "taught" through text books. I can't take it. I'm paying for classes in which teachers teach a text book. Outside of my major (cause it’s all a money game), taking classes like “Human Genome” or “Renaissance History” there really is no text book, and the teachers actually teach the subject matter. It’s quite interesting to an extent.

College has just been a horrible experience for me. I was originally forced into it, then half way through it, was told by my parents we’ll it’s YOUR choice, only then they scold me telling me I have to finish if I want to amount to anything in life. So at this point I’m stuck. I need about a year to finish, yet I hate every minute of it. It will take me one more year to get a Bachelors Degree in Computer Science, which I’ll probably never use. I originally wanted to learn how to “hack”, become a programmer in which I could manage a website, a server, or a database. Be taught the properties of how applications work, back doors, etc. Though I’ve learned not a single such thing in Computer Science.

Right now I have Computer Architecture. Now you would think we’d learn about the inner makings of a computer. Which is true to some extent, however they break it down way too far for it to be any use. I don’t care how a processor works on the resistor level and AND/OR/XOR Gates in the computer. When will I use that? Why the fuck do I need to know how an ALU works on the inside of a processor, what benefit do I get from that?

I guess at times I feel less than intelligent due to the obscure text book teachings in which I have little to no interest in. I’ve become lazy in school work cause I can’t get myself to pay attention long enough to answer ridiculous questions. The human body on a cellulose level, interesting…the resistor and circuits on a CPU chip, very boring. Don't get me wrong, I still have a strong fascination with computers and technology, and programming...but now what I'm currently being taught. And with that, I feel quite "stupid" seeing my GPA is about a (2.0). Could I achieve a much higher GPA if I tried? Oh absolutely, but I just don't have much try left in me now a days.

If anyone actually takes the time to read the ramblings of an incoherent fox. You deserve a hug. Or + 5 internets for you geeks.
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It's been a while. [Feb. 23rd, 2010|04:07 am]
[Current Mood |tiredtired]

Still here, still post though for reasons unknown. Personally most of my ideas just say in my head or between the person I love though I figure I'd make another more...recent post.

Was going to make this witty, intelligent and funny, though in all honestly I'm just too tired. So a post is a post after 3 years.
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Alive :3 [Mar. 7th, 2007|12:24 am]
[Current Mood |lovedloved]

Wow, I just got off the phone with a person in which I love dearly. Her name, Rebecca. I know I love her, and in every way I see her as perfect. I think I just had the longest phone conversation I've ever had. We talked about EVERYTHING! That lasted for about 3 hours, all of it rushing by faster than it started. All in all, I'll say it ended perfectly in us talking about cuddling. It made me feel good about myself (Not like I didn't already lol). Currently I'm just in a great mood. hehehe

Oh Lord I'm a Breeder Fox :3
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Life and It's Meaning [Mar. 6th, 2007|02:22 am]
[Current Mood |curiouscurious]

You know I debated on whether or not using this as I was sitting awake in my bed. Honestly I don't use it as you can see and maybe I should. I happened to get a premonition while just lying here.

We as kids always want to grow up so fast. We see things as easier when we grow up because we believe we have so much to do. What I wouldn't give to go back to my child years. I was such a better person then. If my before self saw what I was doing today, I'd probably get my ass kicked. When I was little I always had so many friends and so many things to do, life was pure and simple.

I was always at someone's house, or someone was always at mine. I had a social life, I had things to do. It seems that time has long since passed. This first hit me when all my friends moved away in my grandmothers neighborhood. You always wish for things to stay the same, though life never really follows those wishes, time change and many of us constantly live in what once was.

Now sitting here and reminiscing on how amazing my childhood was really makes me question my future. The highlight of my life now seems like getting a new post on a forum. My life is so developed into computers that I've lost my social life. I seem to devote to much time on a forum. Life isn't about modding a forum, no matter how much you wish. I guess it just takes a half asleep mind to bring this up and about. I've made many great friends through the internet in which I've never would have meet otherwise. Sure it's great, but a fox really needs to get out more. I mean I can't focus my life in the digital world.

I don't know, it's just that I do the same thing day in and day out. I never change, there is never any excitement. I guess I've just lost myself along the way. Now that that's off my chest, I don't want this to seem like some emotional drama or anything along those lines. It's really not about that. I'm just kind of speaking with what is in my mind, what I'm thinking which is kind of what a journal is for.

I've never kept one of these so maybe that's why it's so hard for me to start one. I do however think it's time for me to change, give the internet less of my time. I've just become so lazy that it actually sickens me. I'm not the person I used to be. I don't really know what or who I am anymore. I guess when it all comes down to it, we all question ourselves at time, now has been the time where I actually listened to those questions.

What I've always found strange is at night, I think more clearly. Maybe I just think more stupid, I couldn't tell you the truth. I just begin to think, nothing really in particular, but think. Honestly I can't say I have more to say, that's pretty much covers everything on my mind tonight. I guess it's a long speech about nothing, but isn't that what life really is? Nothing. Life really is nothing until we ourselves make something out of it. That's precisely how I see it.
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OMG I'm Using LJ [Feb. 8th, 2007|08:52 pm]
Alrighty where do I even begin on this? Is this right? Probably not though I could careless. As anyone can see, I don't write much nor do I use this that often. Hell I've had this account for well over a year, maybe more and this is my first entry. I think that can tell you a lot about me.

I don't believe that these would really work out for me. Honestly my life is as boring as watching Paint try, whether I'm working at Tim Horton's, School, or hell modding the Insomniac Games forum, my life is quite dull. It's not really that I don't have free time, just that I'm kind of anti-social and don't really care for the thrill of others. Lawl Emo! Nah, I'm quite happy with it especially keeping to myself.

I guess this LJ really isn't all that bad, kind of like a Journal note the name of the site xD. Not sure how much I'll actually use this, however I think I can make some time to give a little bit of info every now and again.
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